I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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