I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
