Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
