I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
