just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
