Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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