ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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