Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
