I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
