And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
