Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
