Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
