I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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