Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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