I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
