I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
