i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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