Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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