Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
