Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
