Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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