After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
