The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
meet me or not, i'm out of control
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
