if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He has the fingertips of a God
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