he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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