I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
