tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She announced her abortion via fbk
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
In America we eat man semen.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
NoShamevember. You game?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
