good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
His hands were made for my vagina.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
