You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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