I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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