I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
