Don't you send me to vm
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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