I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
