remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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