dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
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if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
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Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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