You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
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I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How much have you had to drink?
That seems like quite a lot.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.