Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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