she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
a search helicopter?!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
