apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
