I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
