Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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