her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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