Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
