forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
