I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
