So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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