you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
