I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm at about main and main street
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
