my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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