Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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