I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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