I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
