I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
