Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
