You made me cry and you don't even care
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
