I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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