Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just want nice things and good sex
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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