Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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