I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
